The Sex Expert (Esther Perel): The Relationship Crisis No One Talks About That's Killing Your Sex Life!
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Sponsor read
Sponsor read praising Lufthansa's Allegris Business Class cabin, which offers five seat types each designed around a specific traveler need.
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DosageVisit lufthansa.com and search AllegrisCaveatsLimited availability on selected routesCertaintyexplicitrecommendation -
Alternative
Instead of relying on dating apps, create real-life situations to meet people — walk a dog, join a bike group, talk to the person next to you at a coffee shop.
“Go outside, go walk your dog, go run, go with a bike group.
Certaintyexplicitstrong endorsement -
Perel cautions against using dating apps as a replacement for real-life meeting; they breed commodification, ghosting and burnout if relied on exclusively.
“Use it, but don't make it become the replacement
CaveatsApps can broaden your circle if used as a tool, not a substituteCertaintyexplicitmild caution -
Endorses Showing curiosity and specific interest in opening messages practice · Esther Perel ▶ 14:50Organic (prompted)
When messaging on dating apps, show curiosity — reference something specific from the person's profile and ask a real question instead of 'hey, what's up, wanna hang.'
“show interest? I saw something in your picture
DosageReference something in their profile; ask a specific question like 'if we went to listen to music, what's the first band we'd go to'Certaintyexplicitrecommendation -
Perel's 2006 book on the dilemmas of desire in long-term relationships, referenced as background for declining partnered sex.
“I wrote about that in Mating in Captivity
Certaintyexplicitoffhand mention -
Excessive porn use among young men is associated with erectile dysfunction with partners, because attunement and resonance with a partner differs from solo physiological response.
“the majority of men who come to sex therapy today for erectile dysfunctions are young men in their twenties
CaveatsDepends on how much and what else is in your life — not an all-or-nothing claimCertaintyhedgedmild caution -
Organic (prompted)
Schedule a clean half-hour or hour with your partner where phones are off — full presence increases oxytocin and well-being more than any supplement.
“carve out a half an hour that's clean
Dosage30 minutes to 1 hour, phone off, fully presentCertaintyexplicitstrong endorsement -
Perel's book on infidelity offering a nuanced perspective on why people stray and how couples handle disclosure.
“Reid State of affairs because I spent many years writing this book about infidelity
Certaintyexplicitrecommendation -
Sponsor read
Sponsor read for VantageScore, a credit scoring model that improves mortgage default prediction.
“VantageScore... the leader in predictive power
Certaintyexplicitrecommendation -
Organic (prompted)
Don't automatically confess infidelity just to relieve your guilt — ask what disclosure will do to your partner and the relationship; sometimes honesty cleanses you while destroying another.
“honesty sometimes is extremely caring and at other times can be very cruel
DosageAsk: who am I doing this for? What will happen to my partner and the relationship?CaveatsNot universal — some situations call for disclosureCertaintyexplicitmild caution -
Sponsor read
Sponsor read for Mint Mobile's $15/month premium wireless plan.
“Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan
Dosagemintmobile.com/switch; $45 upfront for 3-month planCaveatsIntro rate first 3 months only; taxes/fees extraCertaintyexplicitrecommendation -
Organic (prompted)
If you want a satisfying monogamous sex life, actively cultivate playfulness, curiosity, imagination and eroticism — bring your best, not your leftovers, to the relationship.
“what do you do to energize your relationship?
Certaintyexplicitstrong endorsement -
Organic (prompted)
When intimacy has died, write your partner a letter acknowledging the gap, your contribution to it, and invite them to rekindle — desire goes through eclipses like the moon.
“I'm prepared to do my part. Would you be willing to do yours?
DosageWrite a letter acknowledging the emptiness, your own contribution, missing them, and asking to rekindleCertaintyexplicitstrong endorsement -
Sponsor read
Sponsor read for Stan Store, a platform for creators to sell digital products, courses, coaching and memberships via a link-in-bio system.
“Stan Store helps creators to sell digital products, courses, coaching and memberships
DosageVisit StephenBartlett.StanStore to sign up; 30-day free trialCertaintyexplicitstrong endorsement -
Giving compliments or small kindnesses to others raises your oxytocin and well-being; doing for others — not just self-care — is foundational to happiness.
“give compliments to people... your oxytocin levels go up too
CaveatsNot in every circumstanceCertaintyexplicitrecommendation -
Sponsor read
Sponsor read for the Extra wallet — a slim recycled-aluminium wallet integrated with Apple Find My to locate it if lost, with digital theft blocking.
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Sponsor read
Sponsor read for LinkedIn Ads as the best B2B marketing platform because decision-makers gather there; offers $100 ad credit via promo link.
“LinkedIn... the platform where decision makers go
DosageLinkedIn.com/diary for $100 ad creditCertaintyexplicitrecommendation -
Organic (prompted)
Combat social atrophy by reviving small rituals of human acknowledgment — saying hello, 'have a nice day', complimenting strangers.
“everybody says hello... it's a cultural shift
Certaintyexplicitrecommendation -
Organic (prompted)
Sing with others — collective singing creates resonance, empathy, playfulness and is described as 'holy work' against social atrophy.
“go sing with people... when you sing together, you create a collective resonance
Certaintyexplicitstrong endorsement -
Most couple arguments aren't about the surface issue but about three things: power and control; trust, care and closeness; and respect and recognition.
“they fight for power and control... trust... respect and recognition
DosageAsk: what am I fighting for — power/control, trust/closeness, or respect/recognition?Certaintyexplicitrecommendation -
Endorses Where Should We Begin? card game (workplace edition with Culture Amp) device · Esther Perel ▶ 1:22:50Guest recommendation
Perel's card game for creating meaningful workplace relationships, recommended to use at weekly team meetings, onboarding or off-sites.
“a beautiful ritual to have your weekly start with a few cards
DosagePull one card per person at the weekly all-hands; works for onboarding and off-sitesCertaintyexplicitstrong endorsement -
Endorses Sending your partner small affectionate messages during the day practice · Esther Perel ▶ 1:29:50
Send your partner small 'sweet nothings' throughout the day — tiny acts of acknowledgment change how a person feels and put energy into the relationship.
“how often during the day do you send just a little sweet nothing
DosageMultiple small messages per dayCertaintyexplicitrecommendation -
Endorsement
Host-promoted conversation card deck with 51 questions across three levels designed to start deeper conversations.
“conversation cards in the description below
Dosagethediary.comCertaintyexplicitrecommendation